Pump Attendant Rant

On Tuesdays, I get to pump gas. In NJ, gas stations are all full service. Don't ask me why. Most likely to create jobs. This is a mind numbing, never ending part of my job.

Now for some insights into the mind of the pump attendant:

Some things that Tick the Gas Station Guys (or girls) off!

1. Buying $5 of gas at any price is a waste of everybody's time-especially if you are using a credit card. In fact, anything less than a full tank of gas on a credit card (which you are paying for next month) is ridiculous. (you are going to use the gas, might as well do it in one trip!)

2. Shopping for gas....if you are talking about a price difference of anything less than $0.10 gallon, is it really worth your time to drive out of your way to save a buck? (plus you are just using more gas to find the cheaper place!) The average tank holds 15 gallons, you are saving yourself at most $1.50 for a place that is a full $0.10 cheaper-anything less than that is a waste of your time.Some people shop for a station that is $0.02 which will only save you $0.30-$0.50 cents! I know people that wouldn't even bend down to pick that off the street!

3. Don't tell the gas attendant/worker about the gas prices...he buys it too!

4. Don't tell the gas attendant/worker about the weather. "yes, its hot enough for me.", "yes its cold enough for me." "yes, I will try to stay dry in the rain." You don't need to tell them, they are standing in it.

5. When I come to your window to get the money, don't wait til then to reach into your purse or back pocket for your wallet.

6. I have no problem doing windows or checking under the hood, but please ask when I come to your window the first time, not when the gas is done.

7. When ordering, the correct way is "amount, type, cash or credit" not 1 or 2 of the three-all info is needed.

8. If I greet you with a hello, please say it back. Not just "fill, regular, cash". It is not an appropriate greeting.

9. The reason we "top off the tank" after the pump clicks off...is to get it to a point where making change is easier and faster. Most tanks will take to the next dollar without overflowing and going to the next quarter at least makes making change easier (Yes-we REALLY are putting more gas in your tank-its not just running to the ground!)

10. "The Exact Change Monster"-give me the money. Unless you have the exact change ready-don't bother. I have plenty of change, I make change faster than anyone you have met. I give you faced, organized money so now is not the time to hunt through your car for two quarters (I have plenty in my pocket!) Its faster if you let me make the change.

11. DON'T HELP!! I understand that you are capable of pumping your own gasoline but there is no reason for you to get out of the car in NJ. Its like walking through the kitchen of a restaurant. You have no reason to be there and sooner or later you will be in the way.

12. In the Winter, do not clear the snow off the car on the pump island. This should be done before you drive the car. I need to keep the pump island shoveled and clear ALL DAY LONG! Once I do it once, I should not have to clear off what you left on my pump island!!

13. Smoking: Smoking at a gas station's pumps is ridiculous. Getting out of the car with a lite cigarette and taking it somewhere else is just as ridiculous. light it somewhere else. Please don't ash out the window, please don't use this time to light a cigarette. (One gallon of gas is roughly equal to 2 sticks of dynamite. At the gas station, we can hold roughly up to 30,000 gallons of gas. you do the math!)

14. Cell Phones: Do not wave the cell phone finger at me. Either finish your conversation or come back when you are done. I am not talking on the cell phone when I am helping you- I expect the same courtesy.

15. Roll down your window, I can't hear you through the glass! Even in bad weather. I am standing in the rain. The least you can do is roll your window down long enough for me to hear you.

16. Speak clearly. "Full" and "Four" sound similar. In the end if you get full but you wanted four-you are paying for full b/c you still got the gas. We can't take it back out.

17. Patience is a virtue. Honking your horn to get my attention or honking your horn to tell me the pump clicked off will not speed up your service. In fact, it may double or triple my reaction time. Its very rude.

18. We don't loan anything! We don't loan jumper cables, or gas cans or anything.Don't even bother to ask.

19. It is against the law for me to fill your bleach bottle, milk bottle, any bottle that is NOT an approved red gas tank! Don't even ask.

20. At 9am in the morning....don't tell me it sucks because you have to go to work. I am already there. I have already been there for 3 hours, and I will be there when you are on your way home!

Rules for Asking for Directions at a gas station:

Failure to comply with these directions rules may result in my giving you incorrect directions on purpose!

1. I am happy to give directions. I give very good directions. I am even HAPPIER to give directions when you are buying something!

2. If you aren't buying something and you want directions, that is fine too BUT if you are not buying something, DO NOT pull onto the pump island. Pull out of the way, get out of your car and ask someone for directions. ESPECIALLY in the rain. Don't wave me over in the rain.

3. It is my job to help the paying customers first. Be patient. I will get to you as soon as I can.

4. If you get out of your car with a map or printed out directions, I know you are lost. You don't need to tell me.

5. Don't tell me where you have been....just tell me where you want to GO.

6. Don't show me your printed out directions. If they were any good, you wouldn't be at the gas station asking for directions. Tell me where you want to go.

7. If I give you directions, wait until I am done before you drive away.

8. While I am giving you directions, pay attention or write it down. Too many people ask for directions and stop paying attention after the first turn.

9. Don't ask for a pen after I have finished giving the directions. I should only have to give you directions once (unless its Very complicated!)

10. When I have given you directions, don't tell me I am wrong. "no, we were down there." (I know where I am!)

11. When I have finished giving directions, "Thank You" is appropriate.

12. Addresses are important. In order for me to help you get where you are going, you need to know where you want to be. Too many times someone will come to me and ask where a business is. Granted, in the town that I work in I know many of the businesses but I do not know them all. You need to at least know what street its on. This sounds very obvious but at least once or twice a day someone asks me where something is and they don't even know what street its on.

Thus, ended the lesson.